"The moment a person finds their voice is the moment their life takes on grace."
So. I've been avoiding this blog because I've been avoiding my own voice. After the last two posts, I realized how tightly I was holding on to the past. Of course, it being shoved in my face for two months didn't help. I didn't....I don't....want to be that woman anymore. The good news is, this realization has done what starting this blog was meant to do: Introduce myself to truths that I maybe haven't wanted to face. So new year, new start, new post.
I have managed to take the next step in my life. I moved in with my two best friends, and that is huge. I always thought when I moved, it would be for college, or when I married. Neither of those came, so I took this step semi-alone. I believe it's for the better. For instance, I'm a bit more of a clean freak now. I cleaned the kitchen last night. I even cleaned the microwave. Whoa, crazy! Who does that? I must be responsible or something.
Yay, responsibility!
I also made a resolution, as is customary. A bit of background: my childhood best friend, Lydia, is serving a mission in a low tech part of the Philippines. No running water, no air conditioning, etc. It's been daunting for her, to say the least. It's really tested her faith and her natural optimism. At times, Lydia would send me emails that I knew she wrote with tears in her eyes. She doesn't complain, but you could hear the weariness in her "tone." I was lucky to get to talk to her on Christmas Eve, and asked her how she was doing with her struggles. She surprised me. Lydia told me that once she started to focus on what is and what she could do with what she had rather than what she wished she could do and what she wished she had access to, she found happiness and inner peace.
Lydia and I
That really struck me. Of course, you always know you should count your blessings and do the best with what you have...but hearing in that context, keeping in mind Lydia's situation, touched me. I can be content where I am and still do wonders. As with resolutions, I have slipped and wished and pined for what I'm missing. But there's always one of Lydia's missionary pictures I can look at and be reminded if she can thrive and inspire others and herself in her situation, I can certainly do the same here.
In addition, I will try to keep up with what I've started on this blog and not be afraid. (besides, it's not like anyone I actually know reads this...and if I'm wrong....whoops) Strangely, I am reminded to what one of my friends struggling with alcoholism once told me. He said that he takes his struggle one day at a time. In his life, he cannot say that he will NEVER drink again, but he can make the commitment not to drink today. It has helped him feel less overwhelmed. So today, I kept up my blog and promise to be honest with myself.
I have worthwhile things to say and I will trust my voice...
At least for today.
Look, hope and stuff!
